Friday, August 30, 2013

Happiness, motherhood, anxious, raw emotions ...

A friend of mine said to me last week that she hasn't seen me happy in a long time. It hit to the core. Not because she was being mean, but because she was correct. I feel like I am in a bit of a slump lately.

Things are at it's all time hardest point for me right now. Every avenue of my life, just feels hard.
  1. Our son hasn't mastered the art of sleeping through the night or maybe he doesn't want to, the jury is still out on that... leaving us terribly sleep deprived, going on 9+ months
  2. My job is very hard, we are all doing more work (like the rest of the country) but with less results, leaving us all stressed out, such a shame
  3. I work from home, 40 hours a week, raising our son, and it's just a constant juggling act with no down time. Some days I feel I am neglecting him by having my nose to the grind and other days I just feel like I am spinning my wheels with no results
  4. Money is something that has never been in abundance but now I feel like I need to watch every penny we spend. No more spending just because I can, it's all needs and no longer wants.
  5. I am constantly questioning am I doing the right thing by my son, by my husband or by myself?
Now sure, life is short, I should know this and should be more grateful of what we have and who are in our life. But I just feel like a hamster in a ball, getting no where at all but still running? I get life was never supposed to be easy, but when will it feel less hard?


Kristi Prokopiak said...

you are the strongest person i know. you will get used to the new pace and it won't feel as awful.

eventually he will sleep (or you will start giving him whiskey or whatever they used to do back then), and you will figure out the work thing too.

just please don't go so hard. you deserve rest and you need time to breathe. it's physically impossible to do everything all the time, so just pick your battles and don't worry if someone feels let down or disappointed in your performance (bill).

i love you and if you want i can come babysit this weekend? i might break him but you could do something fun???

Beth B said...

I love you so much Kris, thank you for saying that =). You must come out here soon for sure. Miss you dearly.